idiot

Why do we hurt the ones we love?

Why in the world would we ever do anything that could possibly hurt someone we hold so dear to our hearts? Why is it that we most often hurt the people that mean the most to us - the ones we swear upon our own lives that we would never hurt?

We would never be so horrible to people we don't know! We are polite. We are graciouse. We are perfect angels. We don't lie - not even little ones. We would never dream of it. We make a promise and we stick to it.

So, why do we do these things to the ones we couldn't live without. We hide our feelings and reveal them only when it will explain something else we fucked up on. Absolute preservation and protection from the one's we trust the most not to hurt us. It just doesnt make sence. not at all.

And that "I hurt you so i wouldnt hurt you" shit... is just that. Why don't we look ahead o- ... but we do. we know that we are choosing one hurt over another when in the end, there is a third route. There is always a third route. Nothing is ever black and white, yet we assume it to be so.

Honesty really is the best policy. If you aren't honest from the start then a relationship (any kind: friends, family or lovers...) can never be solid. It can never be true. Never have trust. and without trust there is no relationship.and life is nothing without love.

My love: I'm so sorry. I... I will make no promises I cannot keep, I'll only tell the absolute truth. I love you, forever and always.

Nicole.

Why Exactly?

Lalala! Here I am... during class... for no reason.
Zee blogging beckons me.
I'm beginning to understand My Love's addiction. Hopefully it's a passing thing... I'm not sure I can handle another full time addiction, what with Final Fantasy games and ... shtuff on my mind all the time. Maybe it's just this music seeping into my brain. Makes me want to cruise around and smoke something.
Which is odd...
I don't smoke anything...
0.o;;
Oh well.I would say "maybe I should take it up", for humor's sake, but that's just not cool.
JUST SAY NO!!
So ends the Public Service Announcement for today. Wouldn't my Mommy be Proud.
...hmm... why did I capitalize 'Proud'...
Interesting the things we, for no reason, capitalize. Well, at least not consciencely.
...Why can't I spell anything with the word 'conscience' in it? Has "As Good as it Gets" seeped into my brain along with everything else?...

Did I mention I'm in love?
Just thought I'd let you know.
And that my co-worker/boss/kinda thinks he's cute? Or did she say "attractive"? Who knows...?
You should get one. Those men thingies are great.

Don't you just hate it when people who have a significant other say things like that? It's so condescending.

...*giggles*...


Don't you just love being mean.
I'm the devil.
So says my love.
The devil also needs sex.

Later.

omfg

omg.
it's after midnight.
I'm still doing homework.
This sucks.
Procrastination sucks.
Bitching sucks.
Sleep is the shit.

Later.

PS. This is the fourth time I've tried to post this thing. I'm beginnign to wonder if the ratio of cursing to not is too high...

Attachment

Where are you my love? What are you doing this very moment? Are you thinking of me? Are you asking the same questions that wont let me concentrate on this paper? Am I the only one going crazy with guilt and missing you?
Why do I miss you so much, anyway? I spent a good deal of Friday with you so why do i feel like I have to see you? Why won't my mind's eye move from your gaze? All i can see is you. All i want in the world is you.
Your arms, your hands, you fingers - around me, over me, on me, inside me - i can't think. I want you in every possible way and it's messing up my life. I wouldnt want it any other way.
If only i had taken care of buiseness when the oppourunity arose the first time, we could be together now. We could be doing anything in the world... but instead we are miles apart and I cant feel your skin. Can't hear your breath in my ear, your hands in mine, your shoulder under my cheek.
I know I should get to work but I can't focus. All day, I can't focus. I wait for you to sign on or send me a letter of responce. I should be reasearching this paper that is going no where, but instead I'm here, sounding like a stalker.
I guess this is love.
Lucky me...
I'm so lucky.
Lady Luck. Lady Love.

One Thing After Another

So, I have this boyfriend dude. (he has a couple blogs... check out TheProfessor!) And he's great. He's wonderfull. We've been going out for almost eight monthes now. Yet still,still, I don't understand my baby. So, I wonder, does anyone ever understand anyone else?

...does anyone even understand me!?...

There was this guy at the bus stop yesterday, my best friend Nathan and I call him Wierzy (wierd-crazy). He was talking to himself... yelling and speaking in "foriegn" languages. At first, I looked for a jar or hat with coins in it - the things he was saying sounded like lines from a play. Something like Sin City, an old, corney, overacted 1920's detective thing. First, he was saying that he had "found the badge" but he "didn't do it!" And then, he was speaking something that sounded like Chinease or something... for a couple minutes... complete with waving hands and kung-fu poses. He sat next to a woman on a bench and started talking about how high "we" were and heroin and cocain. He went on and on and we listened to him, I was laughing while Nathan listened like he was telling a story.

Suddenly, Wierzy gets up and walks tword Nathan, quite and suddenly with even steps. He looks at him - I'm not sure how because I couldn't get myself to look him in the face, afraind that I'de either be pulled into his world or...something - and says in a somewhat loud but even voice and says, "You think this is real funny. Laugh it up, boy. This could be you." Then he turns around and starts spouting crazyness again like nothing happend.

Just goes to show you that you should never expect anything from anyone.

...And that I have no point...

Never be too comfortable in your own skin. You just never know.

Brain Dribble

Ahhh, blogging. The number one way that stupid people take up space on the internet.

... I suppose that includes me... I talk to myself too much...

So, what will I fill my wasted space with? Brain Dribble. What is Brain Dribble? Brain Dribble is a kind of disease that I am constantly catching. Symptoms of Brain Dribble include run-on, badly spelled sentances, disorganization, and the constant sharing of the afflicted's incoherant stream of conscienceness. This often happends when the victem is bored, usually at school or work.

If I do become bored, at some time or another, you can look forward to my latest stream of conscienceness.

...Why is "conscienceness" so hard to spell?...

Usually, they have will have nothing to do with anything that's actually going on and are triggerd by the most absolutely random of things. ... but then... sometimes it's all ranty and filled with my own made-up words. ...like "ranty." ...yeah...I'm one of those.

So, if you are able to endure the misspelled randomness of a totall nut-job... ... ... stick around! It's sure to be at least wierd... which is always good for a laugh.

Until my next oppourtunity for procrastination,
Vocidy