Something to Lend Some Serious Thought To

So, my mother made an interesting proposal tonight.

We were talking about her upcoming Gastric bypass Surgery (the person's stomach is changed to about the size of an egg [which later stretches] and then reattached to their intestines by laproscopic surgery) when I jokingly mentioned that I would be jealous. She says, "Well, you could probably get it too, if you wanted."

huh?

I hadn't really thought about it in a long time - not since the first time I had thought about it. After the initial shock my first thought was, "I've got to talk to Richard and see what he thinks." Then I kinda went...whoa. but yeah I have to. Then the fear hit.

Every time I envision my body on that bed, about ready to be cut into... even those stick thing in my stomach (laproscopic surgery)... I feel sick, light-headed. It's very frightening. But... face your fears right? I don't mean, if you fear falling down a flight of stairs that you should go ahead and launch yourself on down, but if I don't go ahead and have a surgery some day, I will always be afraid of it. It will always be on my list of fears. Clowns, being alone, surgery blah blah blah.

But the benefits are to be considered as well. I have both Diabetes and Mixed Connective Tissue Disease - basically Arthritis. Both of these could really be helped by me losing the weight. My joints would be under less pressure and it's possible that I could be the type of Diabetic that makes some insulin but not enough, in which case I could go off of insulin. That's really something to think about. The high cost and emotional toll that it takes on me could be lessened greatly.

But after you loose all the weight, if you loose it too fast, it’s possible to have an… excess skin problem. eh. I have to stop writing. the longer I think about it the more comes to mind.

But I'm just not sure I want to do it.