Yay for Being Wrong

Turns out all my pessimistic thinking was wrong! We are together again - Crisis over, problems fixed. Not that there really was a problem so much as a concern. A very understandable concern about the future and raising children in a peaceful environment. Things I definetly understnad and agree with. We just needed to talk about it. Sometimes these things need to happen to strengthen the relationship and iron things out and learn how things will work between the two. Now, hopefully, we know that we need to talk to eachother before making desicions. We both made that same mistake, he just went through with his desicion and I didn't.

Here's to working through the future, no matter how hard, and here's to being wrong - isn't it great sometimes?

Best of luck.

Signs

Yesterday when you were acting so strange, I knew. You held onto my arm like you were afraid to let go. Like you knew that if you did, you would never do it again. I did the same thing that week when I almost ended it. You talked me out of it. After that things got so much better, lasted so long. what happened to your faith in us. when did we switch roles? is that the problem? if I had said the right thing sometime yesterday, would this all have ended differently? would it not have ended?

Does it have something to do with that church thing you went to? Something to do with your faith verses mine? Is it some kind of problem? Because it's not as if we can't talk about it and come to some kind of comprimise about it. I don't mean that either of us should change... we shouldn't. But we could work it out. Every relationship has it's problems. You taught me that. Why didn't i hear that anything was wrong before all this happend? Why didn't I get a chance to have my say? Why couldn't i stand up for us? You always had your say. I want the chance to try and save us. I think we're worth saving. Did you know Nathan cried when I told him? The only other time he's aver cried in my preasance was when he came out to me four years ago. Doesn't that say something? Why aren't we worth saving?

Double me

I finally had something to depend on outside of my family. I thought I was going to grow old with you. It's all I wanted.

this is all so past tense.

how long was I longing to hold you when you were jsut longing to get rid of me? why were you longing to get rid of me. I don't understand this.

Me reject you. what a goddamn laugh. I loved you with all my heart with all my soul. with all of my past an open book to you and all my future plans involving you. I loved you without question, without asking for anything, without expecting anything. I loved you with everything I had and that wasn't enough. you rejected that love. I thought I made you happy?! all the looks on your face, all the sighs and hugs and kisses and everything said that I was making you happy. that's all I ever wanted to do. I wanted to do anything and everything to make you happy. I was going to give myself to you, body and soul. You made me feel beautiful for the first time in my life and now that's gone.

what will I do when I see you with another girl. my hands shook with rage and sadness at the thought of it. I know it will be soon. I thought I was your one. I thought I was your only. what happend? I'de already agreed to marry you. what stops us. what did I do? what did you do? what did we not do. I can't beleive I have to add you to the ranks of E....e... Have you ever been physically unable to speak or even clearly think a word? It's true. a peice of me truley has died. is dieing. I feel like I've always been able to reach out to you. you're my rock. a single kiss from you and I'm back on my feet. I'll never feel that again. I'll never hear "I love you" again. not the same way. and everytime I hear it now I feel how much it's not you saying it.

i can't do this anymore. I'm breaking up with you. echo echo echo.

I have to go. Please have read this. Please don't be on the balconey tomarrow. I need you to not be around. I just need time.