Cleen Sweep

Sweep is right. Like the broom over the linolium of my life, everything has been swept away... everything.... ... EVERYTHING!!! NOOOOO!!! Where are my files!? WHERE IS PADME!!!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!???!?!?!?11?!?!?!??!?!?!1?!?!?!?!?????

Yeah, anyways, if you couldn't guess yet, (and I dont see how it's not like I was being straight foreward about it.) my computer and I had a bit of a fight. I decided it knew too much. It had to die.

I joke, but really it's pretty sad. I've never taken the time to back anythinig up...ever... so everything i had on there is totally gone now. All those pictures that I've come across over the years, all my saved e-mails, not just for fun and the memories but for buisness purposes, but most of all, the writing. All of that writing I did and only had on my hard drive is gone. That really makes me sad. I guess I consider myself a writer and to loose that much work all in one swift blow is... well it's one swift blow allright. At least i still have all of my music on my iPod. That's good. =/

So, I'm off to start restoring everything, now... oh lordy all those programs and bookmarks. *rolls eyes* Here goes. Wish me luck!

Comic Genius?

Why is it that stand up comics always wear heavy, non-breathable clothing when filming thier specials? It's not like they don't know that they're going to be hot - all those lights, all the pressure - they know better by now!

I guess funny don't mean smart.

...wow... a three scentance post...well four now, I guess. Are you impressed!? Five now! Six! Ahhh! Seven! Crap! Eight!

Nothing

I can't sleep until I get this out.

I know why it hurts so much. Why I couldn't breath. I have never reacted to strongly to a single sentence. "I still have feelings for him, as little as I want them, Nicole."

All of my fears have been coming true over the past months. The little pieces of my foundation have been chipping away until I'm left alone with nothing to depend on. First my mother, my hero and my idol, gets sick. I never know from day to day if she will be there. I can't depend on her because I just don't know. I can't lean on her because she's weak. I can't burden her with my pain - she has enough of her own without worrying about mine.

And then my rock, my "Lover's Rock", who I thought would always be there, who I thought loved me more than I loved him turns out to love someone else more than me. And I thought that it was unrequited. Boy was I wrong. All this time they've still been in love. All this time... all this time!?

Even this little, far-off source of wisdom and peace turned out to be... not what I thought she was. I thought that I could depend on her to give me the truth but now I don't know... you never know. Nothing is ever as it seems.

I can't seem to depend on anything. As soon as I'm sure about something, it changes. I just want someone to hold me.

My mother told me, "Don't get all sad, it makes it so much harder for me."

I feel so alone. I have no one to hold me. This hurts so much because they do. Even if they can't be together in the same place, they want to hold each other. They have something that they can depend on. I just want someone to hold me. I tried so hard to keep what little I had left but it just kept crumbling away. I keep reaching for the little pieces of hope I can find but they quickly fall when I find some new piece of the puzzle.

Way to start out the new year. I can't resolve to do anything because I don't know if it will be there next week. Nothing is as it seems. Nothing. Ever.

Serenity

On the way home today, I thought, "Out here, it smells like cucumbers and watermelon...and grass. It smells like watermelon and grass. Not the sweet, fruity part but the rind - the protective covering that we throw away."

And I was comforted.

DMS

I was on the pot earlier ( Yes, "the pot". Some people say that their best ideas come while they're in the shower - mine come on the toilet. Inconvenient place for that really, either one - no paper to write on, and certainly no pen.) and started going over my day, and I realized that I’d been kind of bitchy off-and-on today to people. Also, and this might be a little too much information for some but, I started my period today. Now, adding the previous information to the fact that I have been feeling damn good as of late, I came up with the following question: Is there such thing as DMS or During Menstrual Syndrome or, while we're at it, Delayed Pre-Menstrual Syndrome?

Eh, there's another thought that I don't feel much like going into. Sorry If I was a bitch to you for no reason today. However, some Asses did deserve it.
Truth? yes. A little bitchy... maybe a wee bit.

Laters.

Puss-Face

Ever notice how, no matter what mood they're actaully in, some people justlook mad all the time? I've been sitting in this library for over an hour,and everytime I look up at this girl she has what some hicks call a "Puss-Face"

... Oh god... I just realized the probable reason behind thatphrase. "Puss-Face"... as in the face you make after eating "Puss"?!?!?!Eeeeew. That's why I don't go there. ...

I don't know what thisgirl has been doing or what she's thinking about but she looks PISSED! Herlips are pursed and suctioned together and her eyebrows are pushed togetherin a most irritating manner. I want to either, ask her what she's so pissedabout, slap her to give her a reason to have "that face on her face", orgive her a little Deerhoof to listen to to calm her down.

Jesus.A friend, or someone that was actaully capable of removing "Puss-face", cameby and she actaully smiled for a moment but, now he's left and she's backto looking at her computer screen as if she's sucking on a lemon and tryingto figure out quantum mechanics at the same time. If she would just relaxher face a bit, Im sure she would be much less stressed and not be causingme to want to run away, tail between my legs, screaming "AH!!! PUSS-FACE!!!BLOODY PUSS-FACE!!!" That's right, cause I'm all psuedo-English like that.

Luck and Laters.

Boon Companion

Recently, my boyfriend and I have broken up. While we were together, he gaveme the amazing gift of an iPod with an inscription in the back. For theselast couple of weeks, I've considered the inscription to be unfortunate.Recently,though,I find it to be very true, insightful, and even slightlyforeshadowing to our situation.

The inscription reads, "A part time lover, boon companion the rest, forever."

Thatis all very true. We were lovers - great lovers - for a time. Though we maynot be lovers any longer, we remain friends. We remain 'boon companions',I hope, forever.

To my crazy Professor: I love you for everythingthat you were, are, and will be to me. Thank you for everything that youtaught me over this past year. The lessons have been invaluable. Thank you.

Next Time, I Would Have Done It

All the way. I would have done it. I had a plan for it and all. And it would have been good.

Too bad it ended.

HA!

And that's my random thought for today. Thank you and goodnight.