Double me

I finally had something to depend on outside of my family. I thought I was going to grow old with you. It's all I wanted.

this is all so past tense.

how long was I longing to hold you when you were jsut longing to get rid of me? why were you longing to get rid of me. I don't understand this.

Me reject you. what a goddamn laugh. I loved you with all my heart with all my soul. with all of my past an open book to you and all my future plans involving you. I loved you without question, without asking for anything, without expecting anything. I loved you with everything I had and that wasn't enough. you rejected that love. I thought I made you happy?! all the looks on your face, all the sighs and hugs and kisses and everything said that I was making you happy. that's all I ever wanted to do. I wanted to do anything and everything to make you happy. I was going to give myself to you, body and soul. You made me feel beautiful for the first time in my life and now that's gone.

what will I do when I see you with another girl. my hands shook with rage and sadness at the thought of it. I know it will be soon. I thought I was your one. I thought I was your only. what happend? I'de already agreed to marry you. what stops us. what did I do? what did you do? what did we not do. I can't beleive I have to add you to the ranks of E....e... Have you ever been physically unable to speak or even clearly think a word? It's true. a peice of me truley has died. is dieing. I feel like I've always been able to reach out to you. you're my rock. a single kiss from you and I'm back on my feet. I'll never feel that again. I'll never hear "I love you" again. not the same way. and everytime I hear it now I feel how much it's not you saying it.

i can't do this anymore. I'm breaking up with you. echo echo echo.

I have to go. Please have read this. Please don't be on the balconey tomarrow. I need you to not be around. I just need time.